Quality conversations – the art of reframing, refocussing and redirecting

Reframing a conversation
Conversations exist in physical space. If this space feels conflictual and unsafe, people will not step into it with you. If it feels safe, they will – and this is the role of reframing a conversation. Reframing is a tool for taking a complicated discussion and turning it into an opportunity for finding trust and common ground with someone. When you reframe a conversation, you give the other person the opportunity to mentally take a break and start thinking in a new way. This may change the context of the discussion and provide a brand-new meaning to a situation.

Think about the following statement:
‘I am so useless. I cannot do anything right! ‘ This person is most probably in a breakdown/fear state.
You can reframe the same comment to:
‘Those who make mistakes are taking risks … and that is how we learn. People who take risks and make mistakes have a higher chance of finding the best new ways to do things. Edison made nine hundred light bulbs before finding the one that worked.’
You are lifting the other person into a trusting state while being sincere.

What is your inner dialogue like? Which conversations with yourself need to be reframed?

Refocussing a conversation
There are specific parts of the brain that make us focus, refocus and even defocus. The reticular activating system (RAS) is a system that enables us to guide our minds and focus our intentions. When we do, our brain focuses on specific things and defocus on others.
By refocusing a conversation, you lift people out of the place where they have become stuck and point them to a place where they can see connections and opportunities they have not seen before.

What do you think about the following statement?
‘What’s taking you so long?! I am really annoyed about how much time you spend on these small projects that don’t seem to go anywhere. And you keep reworking them over and over and over.’
This person may be so scared of not getting it right.
By refocusing, we can change the above to:
‘You seem to care a lot about these projects. They must be crucial for you. I’d love for you to apply your care about your work to some new projects as well. This will allow you to expand your frame of reference. You have a lot of great expertise now that you can bring to some new and challenging initiatives.’

You are now improving self-confidence, and encouragement to take more risks.

Which conversations with yourself need to be refocused? How can you encourage others to take more risks and improve their self-confidence?

Redirecting a conversation
Sometimes we find ourselves stuck and emotionally bound in a problematic situation, and redirecting a conversation can allow us to see new possibilities. Having a conversation like this builds trust because it communicates that you care enough about the other person to help him/her see things in a new light, rather than expressing a judgmental message that implies something negative about the other person.

Take, for example, the following:
‘It can’t be done. There is no way we can do anything other than what we did.’
The person is stuck in the past.
What will happen if you change your approach to:
‘Last week, I worked with someone with the same issue and challenges. He, too, thought it was a dead end. Here is what he did. I would never have thought of it, and it really is amazing and offers a new way to look at things…’
You are providing trusted insights as alternatives.

With what statements can you redirect old approaches that you usually use? With what can you replace them with to improve self-confidence in others?